Depression is a serious medical condition that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely “pull themselves together” and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people who have depression. (NIMH, 2004)

Written by Brooke Cynthia Nowak
Photography by Brooke Cynthia Nowak
Georgia Tech University, MBA Class of 2011

BROKEN

Broken by Brooke Cynthia Novak, 2006(c)

Broken. My brain is broken. 

Most of the time, your brain works to regulate everything into equilibrium, keeping you alive and healthy. When you get sick and start a medication treatment, the medicine works with your brain to restore chemicals to a normal equilibrium. However, my brain has stopped functioning correctly.

I have been taking Effexor for depression for the past 8 years and during the whole time, my brain has slowly compensated for the medication and has worked overtime to put my chemicals back into “depression” mode despite the medication. So, instead of saying “Hey, these medications are helping me!” my brain is saying, “This evil medication is making me happy, we need to restore the chemicals back”. 

You wonder why this could be happening in “evolutionary” terms. Cleary, it seems, it wouldn’t be beneficiary for a depressive state. But for some reason my brain wants to maintain this state of depression. Some darn gene up there has been given the wrong directions! Being in a depressive state is not a good thing! 

Take Sickle Cell Disease. People with this disease are immune to Malaria. Science hypothesizes that Sickle Cell Disease came about as a CURE for Malaria. Catch 22. 

Could I be in a catch 22? Is being depressed my brain’s way of helping something else? 

I’m broken. 
I’m tired. 
I can’t function.

Why? 

Depression Hurts

Depression Hurts by Brooke Cynthia Novak, 2007(c)

Depression.

I try my best to hide it, but many know about my struggle. I’ve had good years and bad years as I’ve gone through doctors, countless medications, prayer counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, small groups, friends… There are definitely lots of days when I can’t function and don’t want to live anymore. After 8 years of riding the depression roller coaster, I’m just so tired. 

Yet, I do have hope in God’s bigger plan. I do have a joy that my life does have meaning and purpose.

Moving forward everyday is still hard, however, I can see the finish line ahead, in the distance.

The Finish Line by Brooke Cynthia Novak, 2007(c)

Brooke Cynthia Novak is an MBA candidate at Georgia Tech University, Class of 2001, where she also received her undergraduate degree in Management, during 2004.

Flickr Photo Page: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brookenovak/1305383543

Website: http://www.brookenovak.com

Website: http://www.foronlyamoment.com